The double grief of Marie, who lost her baby to breast cancer

DIn Marie Alanet’s life, nothing went as planned. But in the beginning everything went well for this dynamic young woman, 37 years old today. Teacher at Puilboreau orphanage, she lived in Aytré, had lots of friends and many activities. Since 2015 she knew she carried the BRCA1 gene, which increases the risk of breast and ovarian cancer, she also had a benign fibroadenoma in her left breast, but she was closely monitored. She even considered prophylactic bilateral mastectomy, recommended before tumors appear.

The miracle

In 2022, the biological clock is ticking. In March, Marie Alanet went to the fertility center in La Rochelle to preserve her eggs in order to possibly have a child later. “I am told that I am almost sterile. » No more contraception. Surprise, a month later she is pregnant. This is the big news.

Except that pregnancy increases the risk of cancer. “I was shocked. Being pregnant was both a miracle and a risk. “Marie chooses to be a single mother but very much accompanied by her mother and grandmother. Lyah was born by caesarean section on November 23, 2022. It is happiness.

I was so afraid of leaving my daughter an orphan that I had to make a will immediately

In the summer of 2023, everything changes. Diagnosis: breast cancer. And not least: “the most aggressive and the most lethal, it is the one that gives the greatest risk of relapse with tumors that develop very quickly”. No more prophylactic ablation, there will be 16 sessions of chemotherapy and 17 of immunotherapy, plus injections and drugs. “The world has collapsed. Fearing to leave my daughter an orphan, I made a will immediately. »

No choice, Marie submits to the heavy protocol. “I was exhausted, even though I left my daughter in the nursery and with my mother. I felt guilty. Lyah was fine, I told her I loved her and it wasn’t her fault, but how was she? »

Before her chemo on 15 September, Marie can’t take it anymore. “I’m crying, I feel like shit. “To relieve her, her mother takes Lyah to her home in Marennes on the 13th. “To not worry her, I left my daughter and told her that I was going to treatment, that I loved her and that I did not leave her.

The drama

That same evening, grandma posts videos of the little one, and Marie sends kisses to her daughter via FaceTime. It is the ritual as it should have been when you woke up on September 14th. But nothing. “My mother didn’t answer the phone. I felt there was a problem. “She picks up at 11: “It’s Lyah, my dear. I went into her room and she was gone. “The 9-and-a-half-month-old baby just suffered an unexpected infant death.

My daughter was taken from me because I couldn’t have children

Marie’s fragile world is collapsing. “For an hour I screamed: ‘it’s not possible’.” I was dazed. My daughter was taken from me even though I couldn’t have children. “Of course the mother wants to see her baby, but her body is already on its way to the Poitiers Institute of Forensic Medicine. Visiting prohibited. Exceptionally, Marie is allowed to see Lyah, but not to hold her. “I kissed and caressed her, I talked to her. She was beautiful and peaceful. And yet, at the autopsy, they had to open my daughter up. »

Chemo is scheduled for the next day. The oncologist is surprised to see Marie. “I promised my daughter that I would not die for her. If I hadn’t gone, I would have given up. “Now is not the time. Marie, “in robot mode”, is already preparing for Lyah’s funeral.

“I chose his clothes, his coffin, the plaque, the music, the flowers. “The child’s body returned to the Marennes undertakers on 16 September. “I visited Lyah every day to read her stories and bring her her pets. I recreated a cozy place for her. »

On the day of the funeral, September 21, 2023, it is Marie who closes Lyah’s coffin after finally being able to hold her in her arms one last time. “I wanted to take care of my daughter until the end,” says the woman who asked the audience to wear a turban, like Lyah.

The fight

The next day, Marie shaved her head. “Before I lost my hair, I chased away my pain. “She has since completed chemotherapy and immunotherapy, had her left breast removed while waiting for the right breast to be removed by prophylaxis and two other operations. She is in remission. Good news, despite the depression, fatigue, pain and endless lack of Lyah.

Marie is trying to move on in her house in Marennes, “Casa Lyah”, visited two weeks before her baby’s death. “I bought it anyway because it was our family life project,” says “Mam’ange of Lyah,” who got her daughter’s first name tattooed on her windpipe “to call out her name.”

It is to express this that Marie has created an Instagram account Marie_Lyah_va_la_vie. “It is a diary about my cancer and perinatal deaths, but I also want to inform and raise awareness about prevention. It’s my therapy, maybe I’ll write a book one day. »

Although she is surrounded by people, “I am afraid of being misunderstood and a burden to others. However, I shouldn’t blame people for being happy about living children,” explains the woman who has always known how to listen and who needs an ear so badly today.

“I smile at the facade, but I’m screaming inside. I constantly think about my daughter, whom I love more and more. I promised him I would live, so I’m trying to survive. But I am incomplete, carefreeness no longer exists. Lyah is gone, I don’t want any more children and the disease may return. Every day I ask myself what is the point of staying alive; If so, I’ll find her… But a mother doesn’t give up. »